bihun jamban

Sometimes the coastal sun at bagan datoh would get so hot torpid outside especially during the afternoon we are confined to indoor malicious activities. One day my house is left alone so sukri comes along and we wanna do some savage cooking.
Once we cook some chicken in trying to imitate kfc and when somebody comes to the house we get scared of our underground activity gets found out we hide the tasteless chicken in the kitchen knife drawer. But that is different. We are determined to do better this time, and we won’t cook no tasteless and weird looking chicken. And we won’t put any food into any knife drawer ever.
But there is no chicken in the house nor outside around our houses, ours or not. If there is we’d grab one of them and slaughter her and then go about the next step get the chicken strip naked off her feathers ha ha. No but no, we never killed no chicken so far, ours or not, for underground cooking.
The only thing that looks cookable with our low culinary skills was a pack of thin noodles (bihun/meehon), still dry in the package. The first thing that comes to our mind concerning thin noodles was to cook it and get ourselves hopefully good square of thin noodles soup (bihun sup) for lunch.
Logically, and it is only this one moment that afternoon our heads think logically, we put the whole pack of noodles in a pot and fill it with water. We put the pot onto the kitchen so that the water can boil, so that the noodles will easily absorb the moisture and get into edible form, at least that’s what we’ve been seeing people do in places.
We take forks and fish some noodles from the boiling water and hummm it is soft now. Good deal. What’s next. Because we want to make a soup we take a pack of soup powder Sup Ayam dan Daging Adabi with a picture of a goat and a chicken on it. sukri pours some of the light greyish brown powder straight into the boiling water, with the noodles in it of course.
We dunno what else to put so we just put a bunch of those dry spices that people sometimes pour happily into a pot in the spice ads like in telley. Sajian di zaman silam they say. Okay. I take a spoon and get a sip of that boiling solution that I forgot to blow to cool it off and dang it it burns my tongue. Wth. When I do get a taste of it after cooling it off puuuuhhh it doesn’t taste like bihun sup.
While the water in the pot still boiling hard along with the noodles in it we remember we should probably put some onions and garlic. How could we forget the most central ingredients of human’s civilised cooking of all time. So we sliced some onions and garlic and put them in our brewing masterpiece.
But it still doesn’t taste right so we end up putting some other stuffs while the water still boiling like crazy. We end up putting salt, how come we ever forget our salt the most simple of ingredients of cooking after water, sugar so that whoever eats our food will be very sweet enough, ginger so that we won’t live gingerly, cinnamon, chilly powder and some other stuffs that I can’t elaborate.
And no it still doesn’t taste like bihun sup. I finally think probably there is some trick people use, like using unsuspecting powder. The first thing I see after my clever thought is a pack of Kurma Adabi so I put the whole pack in the pot and wow the whole stuff in the pot turns grey.
Wth. We dunno if it is the right thing to put kurma cooking powder to get bihun sup so we stopped the brewing. When the fire stops going here reveal the noodles so thick because of the long boiling. Wow. What it taste like. We fish some of the grey noodle and cool it off, lesson learnt from tasting things straight from boiling pot yes, and dang it it taste like wth.
Suddenly we heard somebody coming and we got panicked. There is no way that we goona let people find out about our grey noodle. The bin is already full of waste so it can fit no longer the grey noodle. There is a dire need for alternative space to save us from humiliation of a lifetime.
We finally bring the whole pot to the toilet and pour the whole thing into the toilet bowl with the hot vapour all coming up all over us but we have to persevere in order to get rid of this *&$#&^ thing out of anybody’s sights. And we flush it of course.
So ever since that day we know that both of us are capable of cooking something worthy of getting poured down the drain, or more precisely, down the toilet bowl. Very nice.